you can’t be happy everyday, let’s just be realistic. Although, I’ve been extremely happy lately. getting 35+ hours a week is paying the bills, just got a new bike and CAR, and have been working out one way or another every day. videos on youtube, running, riding my bike, walking the dogs.. staying active has made such a difference in the way I perceive life, and has given me the energy I’ve been needing so bad. I could definitely use more though, too bad my tummy doesn’t like energy drinks. >:[

being away from my dad has uplifted my spirits, and here at my step dads it’s a completely different atmosphere. i feel appreciated and welcomed, and am free to come and go as I please. I am always told goodmorning and goodnight, and am even asked if I want anything foodwise. My gf can come over anytime without having to sneak in my window, and not one word is said if I don’t tell him she’s coming over. it’s honestly what I’ve needed these past two years. I was in such a constant state of misery living with my dad. and it wasn’t only one thing.. or it would be one thing, then it would lead to another, and soon enough I was a mess for things that were in the past. hearing them yell at night in a drunken blur and never acknowledging my presence got real old, real quick. which is why I was never home, and when I was I was wishing I wasn’t. literally EVERYWHERE was an escape for me. but not here. I cherish the time here. laying with my cat and watching netflix at night after work or a workout is truly great and I can actually relax without having to worry about my dad telling me I did something wrong throughout the day instead of asking me how I am.

 Where am I going from here is a question I ask myself daily. I guess that’s one big mystery I don’t yet know when I’m going to solve. school seems so out of the question, I honestly hate every second I’m there and feel it to be such a waste of time. I could definitely get a second job, which would mean no free time.. but I feel I would be ok with that as long as I could make enough money to support myself. why is it so hard to be an adult? why must some people live paycheck to paycheck struggling to just barely make it by? life sucks, plain and simple. UNLESS you have something worth living for.

and i can without a doubt say I have alot to live for. I’m seriously thankful for so much yet have so little. I wouldn’t compare my life to my friends because it just puts me to shame. but you know what? just because somebody else has graduated school or has a family, or a nicer car, or the newest phone doesn’t make you any less of a person. you are where you are, and you’re doing your best and that’s what matters in the end. I like to say, “life’s too short”. because it is. take each moment and live like today is your last. don’t hold anything back, say what you need to say, feel what you need to feel, be who you’ve always wanted to be.

good things come to those who work their asses off.

I was told to fuck off today because all I care about is drama. this comes from a person who knows close to nothing about me or what I have been through, or continue to go through. I don’t look at people to pity me, but before you go and make accusations, know just a littleeee about me and my life before you get out of hand.

in the end, it’s not what people think of you that matters, it’s what you think about yourself. do what YOU think is right. make choices in life that make YOU happy. miss somebody? tell them. love somebody? tell them. angry? shout it to the world. your life is and open book, and you hold the feather and ink. we make mistakes, we live, and we learn. I truly believe life doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and you can have the happy ending that you’ve always dreamed of.

what’s meant to be, will be.

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